Hello everybody. Good evening to all of you. This is Vineet
Gautam, your trainer, your coach.
And today I am going to say you, train you something
special.
Till now you have learned to communicate.
Means eating food to fill your stomach.
So you have learned that.
Now I am not going to tell you about eating food to fill
your stomach.
I am going to talk about the quality of food.
Means the quality of communication.
What is the quality of communication?
First of all, you are saying anything.
As far as saying anything is concerned.
You know how to speak English.
You have a tongue.
And you are saying anything.
No. How to speak.
And what are the categories of speaking.
I am telling you those things.
Communicators are of different categories.
And how to be.
How are you? Look at this.
How to be in which situation is important.
That's the thing.
So those things.
The quality.
Because I have told you many times before.
That you don't wear the same type of clothes everywhere.
So you don't behave the same way everywhere.
You don't talk the same way everywhere.
So the quality.
I am talking about the quality of communication according
to the situation.
That's why I am talking about the communicator.
What is the category of communicator?
Communicator.
So first one is going aggressive.
Second it can be passive.
And third is assertive.
Now aggressive communicator.
Communicator is whoever is talking, communicating is
communicator.
Aggressive communicator.
Passive communicator.
And then assertive communicator.
Look.
One thing happened.
You are aggressively presenting your point.
Aggressively.
Okay.
Aggressively you are presenting the point.
You are presenting excitedly.
You are presenting in anger.
And mostly that is aggressive communicator.
Who is passive communicator?
Those who speak very little in conversation.
They don't speak at all.
Okay.
So that is passive.
Those who are listening.
You can say simply.
And assertive are those who listen to both sides and
understand.
Those who listen to both sides and understand.
Those who are required for solving the conflict.
If there is a conflict.
Or those who work to bring their point to the conclusion.
Those candidates are called the assertive communicator.
So you have seen the categories of all three.
Aggressive means excited.
You are in excitement.
You are in anger.
And you are speaking.
Okay.
Now I am not saying this.
I can put the topic as kinds of communicator.
Kinds of communicator.
It became kinds.
First of all, you judge which category you are in.
Okay.
Aggressive one.
Passive one.
Or assertive one.
If I tell you in real.
Then
You don't fit in any one role.
You just don't
Categorize yourself in one role.
So what should you do?
According to situation.
You have to play every role.
According to situation.
You have to play every role.
Many times you feel in conversation.
There is no need to speak much.
There is a lot to listen.
So you listen there.
As much as possible.
A little bit.
Passive means
He doesn't say anything.
Passive means
He speaks very little.
Okay.
So you listen.
As much as possible.
Aggressive.
Sometimes it is necessary to bring a little excitement in
your talks.
He says,
Without fear there is no love.
So when you have to communicate like that.
So you have Krishna.
God is also in Gita.
Before teaching Gita to Arjun.
He is getting angry.
Or when he is in front of Pitamah.
He is not using his right power in front of Pitamah.
Arjun.
Thinking Pitamah.
So he gets angry and picks up his wheel.
So it is an aggressive way of presentation.
It is an aggressive way of presentation.
Okay.
So you keep that thing in mind.
Okay.
So many times you have to be aggressive.
To keep your thing.
To convince.
There is no wrong in it.
But if you always present yourself aggressively.
Then people will start avoiding you gradually.
So if you are aggressive.
So not bad.
But it is very important to create a balance.
Then only.
But that too in the form of a process.
Totally aggressive.
See.
If you want to light a fire.
Then you blow a little.
The fire increases.
If you blow fast.
Then the fire will be extinguished.
In the same way.
If you present yourself very aggressively.
Then many times people don't take you seriously.
And if you keep doing this.
Then people say that this is his nature to get angry.
People don't take your words seriously.
They stop it.
So you can be aggressive.
But according to the situation.
Like I said in the other one.
You can also be passive.
But passive.
Where you feel.
That it is more important for you to listen.
In the same way.
It is important to be a listener.
Before the communicator.
So.
Until you don't listen.
Listening means you have become passive in talking.
You are having an interview.
Until you don't listen.
How will you answer?
You are having a group discussion.
Once you have to be passive.
Then only you can answer.
So such a situation.
You have to keep in mind.
You have to use yourself.
Now.
The most important part.
That is assertive.
What is assertive?
You understand the situation.
In that you.
First you will be passive.
Then.
After being passive.
You are assertive.
Choose the right word.
And the right sentence.
Choose the right word.
And the right sentence.
What is in it?
You are assertive.
Before being assertive.
You have to be passive.
You have to listen carefully.
Is it clear?
After that.
You have to choose the right word.
Right sentence.
This choice.
Is very important.
Right expression.
body language change the meaning of the sentence, so it is
very important to have the right expression.
So, to be assertive, first you have to be passive.
Why passive?
Because until you don't listen, you don't understand the
situation, until you don't respond, it is better.
Then choose the right word, the right sentence.
I have written Babul here, you must have seen the movie of
Amitabh Bachchan, in which he marries his daughter-in-law,
daughter-in-law comes and the boy dies.
The situation is that he considers his daughter-in-law to
be his daughter and marries her to someone else.
But that day, on that occasion, his elder brothers and
family members come from the village and they take this
very negatively and are excited.
They are aggressive.
If you are passive in an aggressive situation, then you
will be safe from conflict.
If someone is aggressive and you are also aggressive, then
the situation will get worse.
So, if someone is aggressive, then the quality of a good
communicator is that you should be passive.
Not kind of communicator, I am talking about quality of
communication.
So, if somebody is aggressively presenting himself or
herself, at that moment, it is better for you to keep cool.
Means you have become passive.
So, you see, in that scene, in that movie, when all the
villagers come at the time of marriage, his elder brother
Amitabh Bachchan is quiet and listening.
Means he has become passive.
He has become passive there.
They are aggressively presenting themselves.
We will leave you.
We will throw you out of the community.
I don't know, they talk a lot.
When all these things have happened, then in an assertive
way,
See, assertive way is not aggressive.
In the right way, in the right word, in the right sentence,
expression, body language,
It is your volume.
Volume.
Your volume.
The volume of what you say, you have to check that too.
There is a difference between aggressive and assertive.
You are keeping the same thing with love.
Keep it with love, but be confident.
Confident.
I have added many things.
Right word, right sentence, expression, your volume, body
language, and then confident.
You stay confident.
You speak with love, but speak confidently.
I always used to say, the people used to give the example
for any person's nature.
His nature is like a coconut.
It looks hard from the outside and soft from the inside.
For a better quality communicator,
You have to be soft from the outside and hard from the
inside.
Bad is to be confident.
And when you are soft from the outside, then you are an
assertive communicator.
When you are playing the role of an assertive communicator,
Then you are soft from the outside.
But the selection of the right word,
What you are going to say, everyone is listening.
Right sentence,
One sentence will cause a lot of problems here and there.
You have seen the movie Adi Purush.
In the whole movie, Manoj Munsir has written 4,000-4,500
dialogues.
But he did not check the word in 4-5 dialogues.
He did not check the word.
He did not check the sentence.
And there was such a big commotion.
You cannot find a bigger example of right word and right
selection than this.
He has written such good songs.
He has written the dialogues of a movie like Bahubali.
Such a big brand.
But this world is with you as long as you are performing
well.
Don't think that it is fixed for you.
That after that you will do anything and people will
forgive you.
No.
There is an example of Manoj Munsir.
So good.
He is giving a presentation of Hinduism.
But Hindus have made such a mess.
What?
In 4,500 dialogues, only 4-5 dialogues.
Which he did not select the right word and right sentence.
And because of this, what did not happen to him.
The example of current is in front of you.
You can understand the importance of right word and right
sentence in communication and assertiveness.
Expression.
Many times your expression also plays a very negative role.
Sentence is right.
Word is right.
You gave the wrong expression.
And because of that, that role becomes very upside down.
That is why it is important that you also check the
expression.
Should be in a solid command position.
Eyes should be bowed.
But what does bowed mean?
Not down.
I said it is important to be confident.
You are soft, docile, but confident.
You will keep the volume in control.
Your body language should be positive.
Don't be aggressive.
Where there is a need to increase the volume, increase it.
But if you keep the situation in your control, then you can
present things in the right way.
Only then you can be an assertive communicator.
When you get angry and you are in control of that anger,
then you can't present yourself in an assertive way.
It becomes an aggressive way of presentation.
Then you forget the right word and right sentence.
You don't even know what you said.
And the situation gets worse.
If the other person reacts in the same way, then the
situation gets worse.
Even if he doesn't, your image is gone.
But many times it is important that you present
aggressively.
Even while presenting aggressively, you have to take care
of the right word and right sentence.
People become so aggressive that they start abusing.
No, that is not the quality of the presentation.
That is not the quality of communication.
Then your quality is down.
Even if you are aggressive, then you have to take care of
the right word and right sentence.
Otherwise, it is up to you.
If you want to judge someone, then let him speak.
You listen to him.
Let him speak on any topic.
You will know his opinion.
You will know his word selection.
You will know his sentence selection.
You will know his expression.
And this tells you about the quality of the person.
For example, a girl goes to meet a boy in a restaurant for
the first time.
The guardian has told her to meet him.
Marriage is going on.
How will I judge a girl in a one-time meeting?
So her friends tell her, first see how he calls the waiter
in the restaurant.
How? He calls like this.
Or the waiter calls in a respectful way.
So see, what is the word selection?
He can say it in a way.
Excuse me.
Please come.
Word.
Word is there.
Word is also there.
The expression given, the word language given, the word
selected, because of this, your judgment is being done.
Your assessment is being done.
So on your communication style, on word selection, on
sentence selection, your judgment is also done.
So the quality of a good communicator.
I am not directly commenting, but it is happening that
girls are misusing their rights.
They are misusing their rights.
Say anything, say anything.
They think that all rights are for us and nothing else for
the other person.
If we say, I am right.
No.
In the long run, this will be a big loss.
You are girls, tomorrow you will be mothers.
Believe me, your children are going to learn from you here.
And whether you harm someone or not, your children are
going to be harmed.
Because your children are going to learn from you here.
Therefore, what has God given you?
What has the government given you?
That's a different thing.
Choose something solid for yourself.
If it is speaking, body language, expression, right
sentence, all these things.
Because when all these activities are presented together,
we call it overall presentation.
Communication is one part of it.
When body language, expressions, eye contact, all these
things are present in communication, then it becomes
presentation.
Presentation doesn't mean I am talking about stage
presentation.
Presentation is everywhere.
You are going in an auto, how are you talking to the auto
driver, how are you dealing with the cab driver.
All these things come in your presentation.
And you go to the shop, how do you talk to the shopkeeper?
The way you talk once, opens a new path for the future.
And many times, leave the new path.
It also closes the path that you have.
So, it's up to you.
How are you presenting yourself?
See, so far I have talked to you about talking.
That is, to eat and fill your stomach.
Now I am talking about the quality of food, the way of
eating.
I am talking about an etiquette.
So, I am talking about quality communicator.
I gave kind of communicator, then quality communicator.
So, aggressive.
If you are aggressive all the time, then your negative
image will go.
People will start avoiding you.
Because no one wants to talk to an angry person.
No one even wants to be friends with you.
Yes.
Secondly, you are passive.
That means, you keep listening.
So, you can never become a leader.
Okay.
And from them also, because if I talk, if you want my
partner to be aggressive and lead from a friend.
So, for that you will have to speak.
Being passive will not work.
Passive is called a backbencher.
Yes.
So, he has become a follower.
So, he does not want anyone.
Okay.
So, finally you will have to choose the role of assertive.
Assertive.
In assertive, you have to be passive.
And in plus, you are sometimes aggressive.
But, you don't have to be so aggressive, that you forget
the command on the sentence, on the words.
Whatever you say, then you have become only aggressive.
And your image is going to go negative.
So, the very first thing, whenever you are starting the
talking.
I was talking about the movie Babool.
So, in that, he listens to everything.
Because the rituals that are going on in the society,
according to that, his family members, his elder brothers
are talking.
But he has thought of doing something new.
So, you have to listen to the talks.
So, first he became a passive listener and listened to the
talks.
Then, he presented himself in the right way.
In that, you have to give a touch of emotion.
Let me tell you this.
You have given the expression, you have given the volume.
You have to give the emotion.
This emotion is very useful.
These girls use emotions a lot.
When they feel that they are going to lose, they wipe their
tears.
And they win the game.
So, emotion is very useful.
You can use it time to time.
So, the emotion of your presentation and communication is
also a major part.
So, first you will listen to the other person.
If you listen, you will be able to understand the talk.
Then, you start presenting in the right way.
But, you have to be in aggressive control.
You have to be confident.
My aggressive means only confident.
You have to present yourself confidently.
Emotion is also important.
Soft way of communicating is also important.
Right word and right sentence selection is also important.
Body language, your posture should be positive.
Eye contact is also important.
Many things are being added in this.
Eye contact is a major part of communication.
It is important to have eye contact.
Put your eyes in your eyes and talk.
You will see confidence.
And the other person will also feel yes.
Some logic.
You should have logic in your talks.
So, when you mix all these things, then you can become a
solid quality communicator.
It's not a small role.
This is important everywhere.
If you can do this properly, then it doesn't matter how
successful you are.
The matter is, if you are having a good communication
skill, then your social circle will be good.
People say, he talks very well.
Girls are impressed by this.
He talks very well.
Appreciation is a part of communication.
He talks very well.
People are ready to listen to him.
If there is logic in your talks, then people will be ready
to listen to you.
And you can be successful.
Either you are talking personally, socially or
professionally.
Even if you are talking about a business meeting, if you
talk well and have a good presentation, then there is logic.
Logic means you will have knowledge behind logic.
So, if you present that thing in the right way, then your
contract is okay.
The other person agrees with you.
It is also at a social level.
You talk about something in society, you present it in the
right way.
So, people will agree with you.
So, the right situation, the right presentation, the right
word, you choose all these things in the right way.
Before doing this, make a background.
Not in a day that you go and propose.
It is not going to happen.
It can go wrong.
You make a background.
You find out the likes and dislikes of the other person.
According to that, start presenting yourself.
Talk well.
And not directly, but indirectly convey your message.
Indirectly.
The person you want to propose to, he has a friend, she has
a friend, through that, you convey your image.
If someone else goes and says, you know, he talks very well.
He talks amazing.
It is fun.
You forget all the tension.
Gradually, the other person will see himself bowing towards
you.
Already, when you go to propose, you can see the impression
already.
And the other person, when you talk to yourself, everyone
talks about themselves.
Everyone talks about themselves positively.
But when someone else is talking, the other person believes
that.
So, this is the way to present yourself.
So, these are the quality things you have to take care.
Kinds of communicator.
Kinds of quality communicator.
I will add a word here.
Kinds of quality communicator.
You have to use all three categories.
Aggressive way,
Passive way, and Assertive way.
If aggressive is 100%, it is negative.
If passive is 100%, it is also negative.
You should be assertive.
But in assertive, you have to be passive first.
And in between, when you talk,
write word, write sentence.
check your expression, check your volume, eye contact, use
emotion in between, body language, confidence, mix all
these things and then you have to present, in that you
increase the volume, then you reduce it, but you keep
yourself in control, because this is also a fact, that who
can control himself or herself, can do anything in life,
who can control himself or herself, see, if you don't have
self-control, then how will you control a typical situation?
If there is a fight going on, 5-7 people are fighting, you
will solve that fight, you will be able to give a solution,
when you control yourself, if you start shouting yourself,
then you will be a part of the fight, people will beat you
up.
If you are in a controlled way, then you can give a
solution, if not, then you are not a part of the solution,
you will become a part of the problem.
So, in whichever situation you are, if you are keeping
control, it is very important to have self-control.
I was reading and watching great writers,
Robin Sharma is an international author, he is from India,
he has a Canadian citizenship,
I was reading his book, he gives the example of Dhoni in
his book, that Dhoni is a successful captain today, because
he does not lose control even in a tough situation.
He does not lose control.
Do you know, even in a tough situation, you do not lose
control, you do not lose your temperament, so new ideas
come to your mind, to solve that problem.
And if not, you lose control, you get excited, then you are
going to be out.
If the bowler sleds you, he is trying to excite you, and
you lose your control, then you will shoot as per his wish,
and you will be out.
And if you keep control, then you lose focus.
Do you know the biggest problem?
When we lose control, our focus diverts.
And when the focus diverts, there is no solution.
So, the way you understand, but keep control, then all
these points, what happens?
You know all the points, but you lost control, so you went
to say something else, but the words were different.
Later you get angry,
I should not have said this,
I should not have said that.
But now you have said it, now it is done.
Now the project is in someone else's hands.
Now he said no, he said yes, the work is done.
Why? Because you could not keep control.
Yes, this is not an easy task.
Keeping control is a tough task, but in a process you can
try.
You know, when a person loses control, he does not even
know what he is saying.
If I talk about family relations, then in family relations,
losing control in communication is a major part.
Because when a person is angry, you know, the things
behind, you avoid them. If you want to make married life
successful, then make a dustbin in which you keep putting
the negative things of the other person.
But saying this in the form of a dialogue is very easy.
You will be able to put when you are in control.
But when you become aggressive, then you know what happens.
Leave it at that time.
The things you have put in the dustbin till now, you start
removing all of them.
You said this, you did that, and all the things came out in
front of you.
You collected all the garbage.
So, you collected all the garbage.
And then, there will be a problem.
And then, when the other person will lose control, then
remembering these things, he will collect all the garbage
again.
You said this, you said that, like this.
The process is going on in this way.
But if you keep control, then you put the negativity of the
other person in the dustbin. And when there is no control,
you become aggressive.
You can't control yourself.
I am talking about self-control.
Until you can't control yourself, forget about controlling
others.
If the boss can't control himself, then he can't control
his team.
He can't do it.
So, I am talking about self-control very first.
So, this is the major part of the communication and I am
talking about very serious topic, the kinds of quality
communicator.
I have told you about the category of quality communicator
and how to present it correctly.
I have told you.
If you are 100% aggressive, you are negative.
If you are passive, you are negative.
You have to be assertive.
First, ask yourself what kind of communicator you are.
Ask honestly.
Ask yourself honestly.
Because, see, we call passive people introverts.
They speak very less.
They can't keep their words.
And, it is good if they do it from their side. Do you know
what is the problem in not keeping the words?
Your point of view is positive but still the other person
thinks you are negative.
They think you are negative.
So, you have to present it.
To present it, you have to be assertive.
Again, if you are aggressive, you are negative.
See, I have told you that in assertive, both passive and
aggressive are there.
But, they are in controlled way.
In controlled way.
When you make control on a matchstick, your stove is going
to burn.
And, if that thing is out of control, your house can burn.
It will burn you.
That fire is going to burn you.
Similarly, it is a matter of aggression and anger.
If you control your anger, it is your weapon.
And, if you control it, then that weapon is going to be
used against you.
It is said that no weapon belongs to anyone.
It belongs to the one who holds it.
So, when you are in control of your anger, the one who made
you angry and made you in control, you are his weapon.
You are not yourself.
See, it is a very fine thing.
Very genuine things.
These are, you are in need to understand.
And here, I am just not talking about the English
communication.
It can be the communication.
Communication is a neutral thing.
It can be in any language.
Your regional language, Hindi,
English or any other language.
I am talking about any.
This communication is talking about overall.
You can talk in any language.
But, these are the kinds of quality communicator.
And here, you are to take very serious topic. And, in a
very fine and sensitive way, it is important to understand
in a sensible way, in a cool way.
Whenever you start talking, at least, do deep breathing 5
times, 10 times.
Do you understand deep breathing?
Take a deep breath.
Hold it for 1-2 seconds.
Then, release.
Do 5 times deep breathing.
You can control yourself.
Take a deep breath.
Inwards.
Hold it for 1-2 seconds.
Then, release.
Ok? Your focus will be on your breath.
In this way, you will be in control.
You will be self-introduced.
Self-introduced.
Many times, when you are out of yourself, people say, it
was not like this.
Today, he looks like a different person.
Do you understand?
He looks like a different person.
He looks like a ghost.
It means, you are not yourself.
And, this deep breathing process makes you self-introduced.
So, wherever you are going to keep the topic, you want to
keep it.
You want to present yourself.
Self-introduce yourself.
Many times, you imitate others. Never try to imitate
anybody.
Never try to present yourself like anybody else. Never try
to present yourself as someone else
Never try to copy someone else
Learn from someone else
But present in your own way
In your own style
For this, do deep breathing
You introduce yourself
Be self-focused
And then present in a cool way
Small presentations doesn't mean you are speaking on the
stage only
No Presentation can be of two lines
If you talk to someone
Be it at home or outside
Your two-line speech is the beginning
And as they say, a good start means half done
If a good start of two lines
With a good smile and a good body language
Forget two lines, a word
If you say hi to someone
With a good smile and a good body language
They will say, wow, that was a good hi
Your one small word, hi, they remember
Not hi, there is nothing in hi
The expression, the smile, the body language
They combine all those things
And make the presentation amazing
And that thing becomes memorable
So learn to make a memorable moment
You have to work hard for it
All the way you are in need to perform yourself always
Never do it from the point of view of finishing
Always do it in a performed way
In a performed way, your quality improves
See for yourself
How do you keep looking at yourself at home
Without clothes, upside down
If you wake up in the morning, see how you look
But when you are ready
You take a bath, put on make up and leave
So when you wake up in the morning
And when you are leaving for office or college
Then you are looking at yourself
See the difference in yourself
How much difference it has become
You have prepared yourself well
Similarly, when you start talking
Focus yourself from every point of view
www.mooji.org